The Ale Knights - Home Page

The Ale Knights are an organization of friends whopartake in revelry, drinking, game playing, story telling,music, and friendships.The Ale Knights often meet to discuss social issues,share homemade ale and mead, play board and strategygames, or smoke a cigar.During the holidays, the Ale Knights celebrate withparties and revelry.

Note: This site has been sanitized to protect the guilty.


A Salute to Saint Arnold

Today we salute Saint Arnold, the patron saint of brewers, who lived from580 to 640 A.D..

"As Bishop of Metz, Saint Arnold spent his life warning of the dangers ofdrinking water and extolling the virtues of ale.During his funeral, his pallbearers stopped to slake their thirst,but regretfully there was just one mug of ale to share among them.Then a miracle came to pass....that one mug never ran dry,and all of the thirsty mourners in the entire gathering were satisfied."

This quote taken from a bottle of Saint Arnold Amber Ale,an extremely good brew of Houston,Texas.

What Do the Ale Knights Stand For?

We are a group of friends who partake in one or more the following rituals:

The Ale Knights welcome all friends, men and women, young and old, near and far tocome join us in our pursuit of good times and the quest for the Holy Ale.

We meet frequently throughout the year as we have for the last 20 yearsto partake in these rituals and pass away the evening inhappy repost.

Are You Guys Really Knights?

Click to see Dave battle (569 KB GIF)
Well the Queen of England doesn't think so, but then she's never really met us.Nevertheless, we act in honorable and chivalrous fashion, doing good deeds when we can.Sir Barcardi, Lady Mary, and Sir Tork own a bit of medieval clothing,and Sir Barcardi knows how to wield the swords.If you don't believe me, see for yourself.

We also drink quite a bit, and this aids in the questing.

When Did the Ale Knights Begin?

The Ale Knights began as friends in the mid 1970s.The friends would meet at parties and gatheringsenjoying fine ale, good food, the summer sunor the winter's evenings.

Our history is preserved in the lore and tales of the Ale Knights,a brief sampling of which is provided below.

Where did the rest of the most excellent and noble tales go?They have been carefully removed from this site and published inThe Most Noble History and Tales of the Ale Knights.Please contact the author for a copy of this profound tome.

Who Are the Ale Knights?

Here are but a few of the names, titles and most Holy Booze of the Ale Knights.
Name Title Most Holy Booze
Sir Porkalot King of the Knights of the Holy Ale Quest Gin
Lady Jane Lady of the Holy Ale Quest Pinus Colossus
Sir Barcardi High Priest of the Knights of the Holy Ale Quest Rum
Lady Mary Lady of the Holy Ale Quest Blush Wine
Sir Gallavant Guardian of the Women of the Knights of the Holy Ale Quest Scotch
Lady Kathy Lady of the Holy Ale Quest Wine
Sir Valiant Master of the Brew of the Knights of the Holy Ale Quest, Guardian of the Grog of the Knights of the Holy Ale Quest Vodka
Lady Sue Lady of the Holy Ale Quest Tequila
Sir Paul The Black Knight, a.k.a. the Marquis Manz Myer's Dark Rum (Coke optional)
Lady Liz Lady of the Holy Ale Quest, a.k.a the Marques Manz Tanqueray and Tonic
Sir Void Knight of the Holy Ale Quest Gin
Lady Amy Lady of the Holy Ale Quest -
Sir Oblivious The Keeper of the Keg of the Knights of the Holy Ale Quest, Guardian of the Grog of the Knights of the Holy Ale Quest Barley Wine
Lady Laurie Lady of the Holy Ale Quest Zinfandel
Sir Grassanod Guardian of the Cod Piece of the Knights of the Holy Ale Quest Mead
Lady Laura Lady of the Holy Ale Quest Wine?
Sir Tork Weapon keeper of the Knights of the Holy Ale Quest Mead
Sir Barley Friend Woad Raider of the Knights of the Holy Ale Quest Good Ale

And the list goes on and on and on.

What Can I Learn From the Ale Knights?

You can learn a lot that pertains to drinking andsinging if you read on in one of the following pages:

How Does One Become an Ale Knight?

To become an Ale Knight, one must be nominated byan existing Ale Knight via a petition to the King.The nomination is only bestowed upon individualsof high caliber who demonstrate the attributesand qualities worthy of an Ale Knight.Although the following description applies to men,the process is similar for womenexcept the titles are Courtier and Ladyinstead of Squire and Knight.

When one is nominated, they receive the noble titleof Squire .The candidate may refuse the honor, but if oneaccepts it, let it be known that the candidate seeksto become a Knight of the Holy Ale Quest.At this point the Knights aid the Squire in his quest,providing drinks, inviting one to partiesand high ceremonies.Knights come from near and far to meet the Squireand provide insight to the candidate's suitability,worthiness, and aptitude for the Quest of the Holy Ale.

Later, if the King grants the petition and all are in agreement,Ale Knights convene at the nearest holiday or festival to attemptto knight the candidate.Usually Ale Knights will wait until the candidate hasan excess of liquor or in some other way has demonstratedoneself to be a complete fool in the company of one's friends.

When these conditions are met and the gathering nears its end,the Knights remove the Squire to a secret outdoor place.The Formal Ceremony of Knighthood is performedand the Knights exchange vows.At this point the Royal Scepter is revealed,spouting ale and wisdom, and conferring knighthood upon the Squire,forever to remain and uphold the virtues ofKnights of the Holy Ale Quest.A vision of Ned flashes and most Knights lose memory of theceremony.Often a newly initiated Knight loses the contentsof one's stomach to Mother Earth,which is why the ceremony is usually performed outside.

Free Drink Card

Print and save. Present this card at any participating bar to receive one free drink, courtesy of the Ale Knights.

Courtesy of the Ale Knights
Good for One Free Drink
Valid at participating Bars Worldwide

This card is valid wherever Ale Knights are honored.

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Last modified: Sunday, 28-Apr-2019 13:52:09 MST.